Dealing with Loss

Between listening to Lazaretto on repeat, I have been listening to Bon Iver a lot.  The music emitted from this band, is so intriguing, and the lyrics are soft and warm.  I have joined the Bon Iver band wagon late, but I feel it’s better to be late than to never arrive — I’m sure many can agree with that statement — unless my punctuality kept me from drinking the punch with my peers, in that case, I wouldn’t mind not showing up, and I’m pretty sure I have experienced this in my life, but that is a another story for another time, even if a metaphorical one.

The last couple days my head has been really spinning around things that are going on.  Someone I know passed away in a rather hasty fashion.  Cancer can be a real bitch.  It seems in a matter of weeks, the beast took an innocent soul away from his loved ones.  I know it to be true, that this man that passed, was a very intelligent man.  He could literally fix ANYTHING.  He was a whiz with his hands and had a great work ethic.  If he set out to do something — which he did often — he would succeed.  He was kind, with a hint of raunch and rudeness, but had nothing but good intentions.  He was more ornery than anything.

At first I didn’t know how to feel about the loss.  I mean he was my grandfather, in the sense that he was a father figure to one of my father figures.  He was my step-dad’s step-dad, I’m not sure how to categorize him.  He did things that I know grandparents do, and that is call and send gifts during the holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions.  If I were to get married before he passed, I would invite him to my wedding.  I could see a sense of love and pride for him in social settings.  I even thought of him from time to time for no reason at all.

For instance, I saw a picture of him the other day — one of those old timey photos you take at fairs, and amusement parks, he was with his wife, my mom and my step-dad and they were all dressed like hillbillies.  It’s funny because of the four, he looked the most comfortable in the ratty overalls and straw hat, and you could almost believe that he would really drink a jug of moonshine simply labeled, “XXX.”  It’s fun to look at that photo, and it fits his personality, because he was fun to be around.

I’m listening to Bon Iver now, because the mood of the album fits the mood I’m in.  I feel anxious — yet, nervously calm, about a situation that should really put me in a fit of anguish.  I should feel remorse and give my emotions over to someone that loves me, so that I may deal with a sad situation in a healthy way.  Unfortunately, it’s not always as easy as hugging someone that loves you.  It’s not always accessible to call someone up that I love and meet up to reminisce about the lost and laugh about the good times, and get teared up because you realize those memories are gone, and there is no more time to make new ones.

Sometimes life leaves you alone, and you stay alone — and sometimes that loneliness bring on a sense of guilt.  I shouldn’t be alone, I should be around those that I love and whom love me back, and most importantly, I should make sure the ones that love him are okay, and I should feel confident that I know that they are going to be okay.

No one should have to be alone, in the time of loss, but sometimes people are.  Sometimes people are alone.

That can really suck.  But being alone is a temporary feeling.  And to be honest, you are only alone if you feel that way.  The world is full of people — in fact many people would argue that there are too many people in this world.  All a person has to do, is lift up their beautiful head, full of ideas, memories, stories, and wishes and look around.  Make eye contact, don’t be afraid to bear your soul to someone else, if only for an instance.  You never know, maybe you’ll meet someone that has ideas, memories, stories, and wishes that are compatible with your own.

Smile and remember, that life is short and can very quickly become shorter, so why not make the best of it — while understanding that “the best” is a relative idea, and even relativity is subjective, so don’t down play someone else’s beautiful ideas if it makes them happy.

Be kind to each other, and love someone — RIGHT NOW!

Rest in peace Dana.  I hope you find peace on your new journey.

 

 

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